Love is everything. It encompasses our life as well as tears it apart. Society has given us this word to define the very essence of our being, feelings and self worth. I used to feel that; and you probably think you do right now. I honestly don't care if you think you have it again with your new bf or not because these entries are for me. They always have been.

Seeing 300 tonight made me miss love. I usually base my well being on the three main things in my life -- Car, Job and Woman. As cliche as it sounds, i kinda see these as the three main elements that make up my life.

The Car represents earth -- if its there, it keeps me grounded. It may not be flashy or 'in your face' but it enables me to get from point A to B and keeps me grounded knowing that i will always have my freedom on tap should i ever really need it. Without it, i feel stranded and stuck, unable to be myself and accelerate my life ahead.

The Job represents water. It's there as an essential to keep the cash flowing to promote and allow me to live the life i live. Sometimes it becomes more than i can take and in that instance i must tread to stay alive. But it is, nonetheless, the background underlying force that keeps life going. Without it, i live frugally and offer myself no insight or preparation into my future.

The Woman. So many ways to go with this one but i truly see it as representing fire. It fuels my desire, my reason for being and can also burn me if I'm not careful. When the fire is present in my life, i am more alive than i have ever been. Without it, i strum along with no direction, no ambition no reason for being.

So its with those that i base the realm of my happiness. Simple and sad yes i know but its true. Its an even 33% split; with the 1% split being me. i make the final decision after all has been weighed. I am my own person and can veto my feelings at any time -- however, sometimes the odds are just straight up against me.

The movie tonight reminded me of what i'm missing. Right now out of the 3 elements, i have none. My car is falling apart, i hate my job and i have no love. The warriors in the movie felt love, dedicated themselves to a cause they loved and died for it. I miss that feeling of having purpose. I used to wake up in the morning with an objective, even if it was a chore. Now i have to pry myself from the covers and remind myself that its only for another few hours. Sure, there are slight glimmers of hope in each day but even those are fading now. Its all becoming automatic. Its all becoming a blur. Its all becoming life on autopilot and i fucking hate it.

So essentially I'm back at square one. Once i had it all; but recently i was holding on to what shreds of the crumbling empire i had left. So i let go - no sense in playing a losing hand. And now the everything is no more. Its all a clean slate. Nothing left to really do but update the history books and move on learning from the mistakes as i always do. And consequently every time i do, the empire i build gets bigger and better. So one can only expect this one to be a civilization that will conquer all.

Lets hope this army stands up to the greatest foe of all ... time.