If i had Cliff Notes for our relationship they would prob read something like this. There was this boy once. Full of joy, hope, happiness and love. He met this beautiful girl who he fell madly in love with but only fully realized it until after she was gone. they seemed to complete each other like yin & yang, complete opposite when viewed apart from the outside, but completed a bigger picture when put together. but situations changed, things went south and soon she left without so much as a second glance back in the dust where he lay. bruised, broken and defeated.

just even talking to you now puts me in an odd state of mind. you said it best. we never had a friendship before the relationship. so maybe pursuing this is just a lost cause. i feel like im just torturing myself with this. In fact most everyone agrees. funny how they all seem to know exactly how i feel even tho i hardly say much. even the shared friends kno. im sure all you would have to do is ask and they'd tell you how i feel. hopefully its something you already knew.

all it takes is one glance at these entries and its easy to see my thought/reasoning pattern. it flies from one extreme to the next, slowly eliminating irrational thoughts & feelings until i can finally untangle everything and find out what is really there. So maybe i'm wrong about all this. it could very well be. but these entries always help me whether you really read them or not.

but still there’s so many questions. and so few fulfilling answers. why now? why out of all this time apart you randomly decide to pick up the phone again. is it all because of her? are you jealous? no way. how could that even be possible after all this time. what does it even matter? so much time has elapsed, we hardly know each other anymore. but the biggest one of all is, if that never happened that night, would you have still broken the silence?